Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
