508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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