I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
