It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
