giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
