So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
