speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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