I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
