Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
