sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
