these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
