dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
