Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
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