I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
