woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
