dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
there is glitter all over my balls
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
