Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize