Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
