Pants 0. Shit 1.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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