stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
