I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
