im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
