Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize