I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the condom got lost in my hair
i just google imaged poop.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
