OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
