Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
