When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just cropdusted the office
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
