***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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