R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
