I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
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