You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
