someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
jump out the window naked night went bad
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
