Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
