the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize