that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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