I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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