She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So much Jack, so little girl.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
