Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
