Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
