If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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