Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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