Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
