So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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