I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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