woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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