I just cut my nipple shaving
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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