what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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