woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
