I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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