I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
