I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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