I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
