i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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