Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
