I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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