WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
