those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
its not stalking. its research.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
