I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
