Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
