Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
