she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
