what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
