omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
