im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
