sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
