Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
