Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
