If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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