C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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