The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
