I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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