you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
