I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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