If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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