But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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