Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
